The role of mother
          In many violent families, the father’s position as the leader of the family is a mere fiction. They are clearly secondary to the mother in terms of power. In such families, the mother is the family switch board through whom all communications flow. She emerges as the single most dominant figure in the family .In such violent families, the son, most of the time, is enmeshed with his mother, thereby separating her from her spouse who retaliates with brutality towards the son. By being brutal, violent fathers push the sons into strong coalitions with the mother against the father.

Mother and daughter
          In violent families, the relationship between mothers and daughters tend to be extremely hostile, competitive, enmeshed, and chaotic.

The scape-goat
          In some families one particular child is singled out for ill-treatment by the mother. The most common reason for treating a particular child as a scape-goat is that this particular child may remind the mother of a despised husband or even the hated husband himself.

Family violence and communication
          Domestic violence makes rational communication impossible. Violence may loosen the tongue and things might be said which would not have been said in a sober state. In such situations, the response of the wife to her husband’s frequent bouts of anger tends to alternate between silence and explosive outbursts of accumulated feelings. Many problems are sidelined by both the husband and wife out of their inability to discuss them. Finally, when issues erupt, the response will be an intense overreaction leading to further violence.

          Violent families will initially experience a lot of yelling, but suddenly a chill silence will engulf the whole family. Since communication with the violent member is an exasperating experience, arguments will be minimised and it will be followed by self imposed silence with the hope that the relationship that otherwise might be destroyed can be prolonged a little longer. Silence is used in violence – complicated relationships as a means of defense against confrontation, but silence will only be temporary and in the long run the family will be overwhelmed by negative feelings and violence.

Closed and open family systems
          Closed family system is characterised by rigid moral overtones and covert rules for behaviour. Members may harbor mutual suspicion. Telephone calls may be monitored and letters opened. Members may experience themselves as controlled and impotent. These closed families will inevitably collapse because members may develop deviant activities as an escape from monotony and rigidity. Closed families are prone to frequent violence.

          On the other hand, open family system is flexible. Members are more able to fulfill their basic functions. Freedom is abundant. Communication is direct, clear and growth producing. The rules for behaviour are appropriate, constructive, overt, related to reality and can change when the need arises. The self-worth of family members is ever on the increase and members become increasingly more confident. These families will brave any crisis and survive successfully. In an open family system, violence will be unknown or rare.

Family violence and delinquency
          In families where parents are excessively violent, children tend to stay out of home even late at night to avoid the unpleasant home atmosphere. Children may also resort to extreme steps like committing suicide or running away from homes. Children of abusive parents may easily fall in love with undesirable characters of the opposite sex and land up in life long difficulties.

Ambition and family violence
          Family violence is often triggered by the tall goals set by an over ambitious member and his mad attempts to achieve it by driving the members hard. Members who cannot perform and stand up to their ambitious goals are tortured and threatened. A pathologically authoritarian parent may ruthlessly punish the child who fails to reach his unrealistically high demands. The mad out bursts of the ambitious members shatter peace and breed insecurity and fear among the low performers. So, for the sake of peace in the family, it will be wise for the ambitious to confine their goals exclusively to themselves and take an all out effort to accomplish them without expecting or soliciting the support of other family members.

Siblings rivalry and family violence
          Siblings rivalry refers to the competition between children in the same family for the attention and affection of their parents. Sometimes it may mean rivalry for dominance and possession of material things. This morbid jealousy among children may contribute to brutal assaults and enormous violence within families.

The role of respect in family relationship
          Mere love is not enough to build a healthy family relationship. Ripples may develop even in families abundant in love. The bitter truth is, behind the facade of love what people really look for is respect. Wife may expect respect more than love from her husband and even children may expect respect from their parents. No one is contended with mere love. Hence for the successful management of the family, all relationships should be built on respect. A judicious mixture of love and respect may pay rich dividends.

The fallout of disrespect
          Disrespecting or offending family members is risky because no one can predict what exactly transpires in their minds and comprehend their inner motives. The offended family member may lie in wait and torpedo the family at the most unexpected moment.

Family interactions and violence
          It is dangerous to take family relationships for granted. Innocently interacting with family members as if they are natural friends is risky. Sufficient care should be taken to choose appropriate words and tone in communicating with one another. Any slip may endanger the delicate family ties.

Tourette’s Syndrome and family violence
          In many families Tourette’s Syndrome is the main cause for violence. Tourette’s Syndrome is a neurological disorder caused by the chemical imbalance of neurotransmitters in the brain. Persons who suffer from this disorder may suddenly start twitching their body and shout obscenities uncontrollably. Yelling and liberal use of foul language will be common. It is found that Tourette’s Syndrome affects more males than females. Fortunately, today there are medicines which alter the brain’s chemistry and help these individuals to control their spasms and the urges to yell and curse.

Family violence and schizophrenia
          Children from violent families may also develop schizophrenia. Though opinion differs about the origin and reasons for schizophrenia, many feel that childhood experiences and disturbed family backgrounds do play a major role in the development of this deadly disorder. Most initial attacks of schizophrenia occur around fifteen to twenty five years of age, but in some, it may begin approximately at the age of five and the risk for contacting this deadly disease remains till the age of forty-five.

Marriage and family violence
          When people marry, they must develop a number of common transactional patterns because each spouse has his own behavioural pattern, value system and expectations of how people should behave towards them. But when these patterns clash and mesh in the small events of daily life and when spouses resist to accommodate with the other partner, violence of varying degrees may erupt.

        Contrary to the common belief, in most instances, women seem to be more responsible for family violence than men. However, women are more often seriously injured because of their physical disadvantage.

The five stages of married life
          A typical married life has five distinct stages. The first is the stage of idealisation. In this stage, in spite of the stresses associated with the early days of married life, each partner usually has positive, happy feelings about the other and a bright outlook on their future. In the second stage, each partner begins to recognise the mate’s shortcomings and realises that all of life’s dreams are not going to come true and frustration may set in. The third stage is the busy time. The couple’s time will be absorbed in raising children and most of the differences will be set aside. In the fourth stage, the couple may experience reawakening of the adolescence. They may look around for new relationships and find sexual pleasure elsewhere. Violence erupts when a partner is unfaithful, openly flirts with someone else, or engages in other provocative actions. The fifth stage is the post-parenting stage. For some it may be a period of score setting as each blames the other for life’s disappointments but for others it may be a rewarding period of mutual emotional support. Unless one is very matured and cautious, there is a possibility of enormous violence all through the married life.

Self-dialogue
          Many of the woes of life arise out of faulty convictions strengthened by continuous reinforcement through a sort of self-dialogue. For example, an individual may tell himself that: “It is necessary to be loved”. Such mistaken ideas inevitably lead to faulty emotional response, frustration and self-defeating behaviour. When individuals attach overwhelming importance to love in marital life, disappointments will overshadow and violence may become routine.

Transition from mother orientation to wife orientation
          The secret wish of every male is to keep his mother happy. But this may be thwarted by non cooperating spouses. The wife may not allow her husband to do anything for his mother. The man may finally bid good bye to his mother and start following his wife. However, the painful transition from mother orientation to the fulfillment of the wife’s wishes is found to be the most agonizing experience for a male. The feeling that one could not do anything for his mother or father in their last days may haunt many throughout their lives triggering unexplainable episodic violence.

Alcoholism and family violence
          To an alcoholic, the bottle is more important than his family. They spend a great deal of their time in organising money to get their drinks and to extricate themselves from the mess that they would have created around themselves. He is seldom able to provide the family economically. The intensity of frustration of having a mate who spends all the money on drinks and then coming home with no money for his underfed and under clothed family triggers enormous violence in families.

A great facilitator of arguments
          All violence begins with arguments and alcohol is a great facilitator of arguments. An argument over a husband’s drunkenness may lead to arguments over the husband’s other shortcomings such as masculinity, breadwinning capabilities, sexual abilities, etc which in turn may lead to physical violence.